I win.

I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this, but.... I am. I am kicking my own ass. I am becoming the boss of my own body. It will bend to my will and I will have my way.

I'm training for a 5k. Starting small. But it's somewhere.

The thing is, I'm asthmatic. My whole life I have felt like a prisoner in my body because it wouldn't or couldn't do what I wanted it to do. I never could run as long or as far as other kids because my lungs would squeeze until I stopped. I hated it. Even before my pancreas started acting up and my rude body started storing everything I ate (which made me fat), back when I was younger and slimmer, I couldn't run or do many active things. My lungs give out far before my legs or my feet or my mind. It was sad for me.

I've lost a fair amount of weight since I was diagnosed, but still haven't been able to be very active due to the pesky lung issue. I've dropped 4 pant sizes. And I finally feel good enough to teach my body a lesson. I'm beating it up. We are in a fight and I will win. And I love it. I'm starting each morning with a brief-but-intense strength-cardio-abs workout and then going out for interval running training. You may have heard of it: Couch-to-5k. It's awesome and you should google it. I downloaded podcasts for each week of running where this guy tells me when to walk and when to run, all to a symphony of dulcet techno beats. I'm building up my resistance and my running ability and speed, one day at a time. Today was Day 7. Between the two work-out styles, I have lost 7lbs and 6.5 inches already. And the best part is, since everything is a building-up-type program, I don't feel tired or overworked. I feel energized. I ran farther today than I have up to this point, and I'm impressed with myself. I am taking command of my body. It will run when I tell it to run, and that's all there is to it. I'm not even letting the weather stop me. We've had frigid temperatures.... since I started this, pretty much. We haven't gotten above freezing in days. Today our high is 22. And I ran. Yesterday I ran in the snow and I ran on ice. When I got home today, my legs were red, but the did what I told them to do, and I am happy about that.

I'm turning 29 in 3 months. It's a scary thing. When I was in high school and college, I battled with eating disorder and self-harming. I know this is going to sound odd, but I like the pain I feel right now. I used to be very depressed and would self-harm to see for sure that I was alive, because I felt dead inside. In a weird way, I'm doing it again, but in a healthful way. I can not deny that I am alive when I feel pain or when I feel my heart beating through my chest. It makes me happy. Also, all of the exercise is good because I HAVE to eat. I'm starving afterwards!

Okay, so I'm rambling and I've probably over-shared, but it's my blog and I'll say what I want to say. :)