Friday, August 24, 2012

Fair warning.

A dear friend of mine is up the spout, 22 weeks and counting. I love her because, while she's LDS like me, she isn't all fake-cheery, nothing-is-wrong, all-this-shit-must-be-god's-plan irritating. Maybe my bullshit tolerance is lower than it used to be, but right now, fair warning people, undue cheeriness may incite acts of aggression.

My reasons for this grumpiness are as follows: with my MA in hand, I have managed only to procure 3 part-time jobs. With these jobs, I work 45-58 hours per week and have no health insurance or job security. Every time someone says, "Well, thank God you have work," or "That's wonderful," or really anything positive, I get pissed. No. It's not wonderful, it's effing awful, actually.

But hey, if you're such a big damn fan of my "blessings," why don't you come over here and trade? I'll see you working 60 hours per week, juggling jobs, too busy to eat, trying desperately not to get sick, and trying to fit in GRE studying/PhD applying in the mix. Then you may come and tell me how wonderful YOU think it is.

And next year, when I may be able to update my 20-year-old car, that won't be a magical Godly blessing, either. That will be the end result of 12 months of 50+ hour work weeks, so keep your cheerfulness to your self, 'cause I'm too busy to buy that load of crap. My situation is shitty, and I'm crawling out of it by my fingernails and the skin of my teeth, so why don't you give ME some credit, instead?

Or just keep your opinions about MY LIFE to yourself. I'm tired of hearing how grateful I should be for this load of shit. I'm working through it and it's hard as hell; those types of comments just make me feel like shit.

On a more positive note (now that I've gotten that out of my system), I am excited about applying for PhD programs, though not too excited about the costs. Oh well. That's just how it goes. I'm particularly interested in the PhD program at Utah State University in Logan. AND the city seems really cool - they have a city-wide FREE bus system, which is paid for by local sales taxes. Awesome! And there's a local mid-singles ward, because the family ward is just not working for me. Last Sunday I was sitting on a pew and this family with 3 young boys sat in the row behind me. Yeah. They kicked the back of my bench the whole time. I kept giving them and the adults with them the stink-eye. Come to find out, they were the Bishop's kids. Yeah. I'm definitely making friends there...


  1. I think you certainly have a right to be grumpy. I am sorry things are shitty right now. Hang in there...

    P.S. Never heard the phrase "up the spout" before. I had to google it.

  2. I'm really okay, though. I like being busy. I just don't like faithful cheeriness shoved at me.

    Thanks! :)