Still winning. :D

Today I started Week 4 of my very slow training. For as slow as I know it is, I still find the beginning of each week intimidating. I have been having a lot of knee and lower back pain and after reading a lot of advice online, I decided to go and get fitted for proper running shoes. I went to the Salt Lake Running Company and was videotaped while running. I pronate. A lot. So, I tried on stability shoes, ran around, jumped up and down, and bought a pair. You may think that I succumbed to capitalism or some crazy societal ridiculousness, but I'll tell you this: my knees don't hurt anymore. It's like magic.

This is the first week where we run more than we walk. I ran for 16 minutes. Not all together. But I did. At the start of this program, I looked ahead and was scared by what I saw. Today for the first time in who knows how long, I ran 5 mins without stopping. Twice. When I finished my last 5 min run, I broke into a huge grin. I'm still grinning, to tell you the truth. I know it's small potatoes for some people. Some people find the idea of training for a measly 5k to be ridiculous, but those people don't have broken lungs. Some people can run for 5 mins without breaking a sweat. For me, it is a major accomplishment, and I am so proud of myself. I'm so excited by what my body can do now. I feel myself changing, and I'm excited by it. I'm grateful for my family and friends who get excited with me over my small but steady accomplishments. My sister (you know who you are) and my mother are like cheerleaders for me.

In other news, I won a cookbook giveaway from food blog Annie's Eats. Oh yeah. JUST what I need. More cookbooks. :) Also, my car, a 91 Subary Legacy, died a month ago, and over the weekend, I got a KILLER deal on an 03 VW Jetta. Way younger than the Subaru, and way zippier. I should get the title from the bank in a couple of days, and then it will be all mine!

Also, I go to church with Philistines. I talked to a girl who was arranging a church dinner. She was having girls sign up to prepare lasagna (ewww) for the dinner. Or so I thought. No no, she was having them sign up to bake FROZEN lasagna (AAAHHHH!!!!!). So, I mentioned that I'd be interested in preparing a white lasagna. I made it simple to understand. I want to make the crimini mushroom and bechamel sauce lasagna from the Smitten Kitchen food blog. Yeah. So. This girl said that she wasn't sure about that and that she'd have to ask if that was okay.

Ha. Like that's going to happen. I am making what I want to make. I do NOT eat frozen food products. And I HATE red lasagna. My bet is that mine is the first to go. By a long shot. Apparently, last month, they had chili from a can for this dinner. I don't think so. At least my old ward had a chili cook-off. Which I won, by the way. Because I am awesome at cooking stuff.

I win.

I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this, but.... I am. I am kicking my own ass. I am becoming the boss of my own body. It will bend to my will and I will have my way.

I'm training for a 5k. Starting small. But it's somewhere.

The thing is, I'm asthmatic. My whole life I have felt like a prisoner in my body because it wouldn't or couldn't do what I wanted it to do. I never could run as long or as far as other kids because my lungs would squeeze until I stopped. I hated it. Even before my pancreas started acting up and my rude body started storing everything I ate (which made me fat), back when I was younger and slimmer, I couldn't run or do many active things. My lungs give out far before my legs or my feet or my mind. It was sad for me.

I've lost a fair amount of weight since I was diagnosed, but still haven't been able to be very active due to the pesky lung issue. I've dropped 4 pant sizes. And I finally feel good enough to teach my body a lesson. I'm beating it up. We are in a fight and I will win. And I love it. I'm starting each morning with a brief-but-intense strength-cardio-abs workout and then going out for interval running training. You may have heard of it: Couch-to-5k. It's awesome and you should google it. I downloaded podcasts for each week of running where this guy tells me when to walk and when to run, all to a symphony of dulcet techno beats. I'm building up my resistance and my running ability and speed, one day at a time. Today was Day 7. Between the two work-out styles, I have lost 7lbs and 6.5 inches already. And the best part is, since everything is a building-up-type program, I don't feel tired or overworked. I feel energized. I ran farther today than I have up to this point, and I'm impressed with myself. I am taking command of my body. It will run when I tell it to run, and that's all there is to it. I'm not even letting the weather stop me. We've had frigid temperatures.... since I started this, pretty much. We haven't gotten above freezing in days. Today our high is 22. And I ran. Yesterday I ran in the snow and I ran on ice. When I got home today, my legs were red, but the did what I told them to do, and I am happy about that.

I'm turning 29 in 3 months. It's a scary thing. When I was in high school and college, I battled with eating disorder and self-harming. I know this is going to sound odd, but I like the pain I feel right now. I used to be very depressed and would self-harm to see for sure that I was alive, because I felt dead inside. In a weird way, I'm doing it again, but in a healthful way. I can not deny that I am alive when I feel pain or when I feel my heart beating through my chest. It makes me happy. Also, all of the exercise is good because I HAVE to eat. I'm starving afterwards!

Okay, so I'm rambling and I've probably over-shared, but it's my blog and I'll say what I want to say. :)