Saturday, March 6, 2010

Looking forward.

So, I've had my pity party. I got my not-good news this morning and had a full-on tantrum. But feeling sad and dejected isn't going to get me anywhere. Whether or not I get into NU or CLS or TFA, I will survive. I have alternate plans - half a dozen of them. If I don't get into CLS, I'll just move sooner. Fine. Whatever. If I don't get into NU or TFA, I'll take a year, go back to custom window treatments for money-making, study for the LSAT and apply to Law School. If I DO get into TFA, I'll do that for the requisite 2 years and either continue teaching or THEN go to law school.
There are worse things in the world than not getting into these things. I will be fine. I will not be homeless. I will not die of self-loathing. I will not die of rejection.
The truth is I've been spoiled. I'm not used to not being accepted to programs for which I've applied. I've ALWAYS been accepted. I don't really understand why I wasn't accepted to these things, as I consider myself to be an extremely well-qualified candidate. My GPA is awesome. I've worked with 4 different professors on various research projects and have organized and run 2 international conferences hosted by my university, and have been invited to do 2 more. They love me. I'm a hard worker and an excellent student.
So what? I haven't been accepted, but I have to remind myself that I haven't actually been rejected, either. I haven't been rejected by any of these people.
I passed the first round of TFA, and my phone interview is Monday. I had better buck up before then, or else I won't pass that round.
Whatever happens, I'll deal with it. I've been wait-listed at NU for 5 whole weeks. Still, no news may be good news. They still haven't said no. Go me!
If I pass all of the portions of the TFA process, I'll be offered a position by the end of the month.
People who WERE accepted in the first round of CLS have been asked to submit their decisions by April 16, so I'll know by then about that.
It'll work out. In the meantime, I'm going to Germany. I'm going to see Frankfurt, Giessen, and Marburg. I'm going to see my dear sister and her darling baby girl. I'm going to see Gibraltar. I'm going to shop in a gypsy market and buy tacky souvenirs. If I can swing it, I'm going to see Paris. It's expensive, so I'll be there long enough to eat a lot of bread and cheese and take some pictures of le tour Eiffel and le sacre coeur. It will be amazing. I'm so happy about it. I've been wanting to get out and do something for a long time now. I keep making plans to travel, and they keep getting pushed back and pushed back. No more.
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to work on this project, to co-author a paper or two, and to present at an international linguistics conference.
I have so much to be happy about. I'm too blessed to be hiding under my covers and pouting.

I know that I've been doing a lot more writing than normal, and I apologize for all of the irritating posts. My journaling is much the same way: I don't write for a month or more, and then all at once I write every day. It's odd. Still, the point is that I'm not wallowing in self-pity. I have not been declined to anything, and even if I do get declined to these things, I can take care of myself. As for as NU and CLS go, I can't do anything BUT wait, and so there's no point in freaking out about any of it. I CAN do something about TFA: I can prepare well and do my best on my interview - do everything in my power to ensure that I make it to the next round of interviews. So, that's what's next. :)

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