Letting the ball drop.

It's been a few weeks, and things have not improved. I'd really like a do-over on this entire year.

I am not okay. I'm not acting like myself at all. I don't feel like me.

I'm still jobless. Still essentially homeless. My car still needs work, which doesn't much matter, as I have nothing for gas. I feel so trapped. At this point I'm debating whether I should pay rent for next month, or just pack up and drive off somewhere and just see how far Stew will get me before he breaks down or we run out of gas.

I'm so loaded down with stress and sorrow that I can't breathe.

And no, I don't want to talk to you about it. I don't want to hear another person say that they wished they could help. I don't want help. I just want to be able to say that I am not okay. I'm tired of lying about it.

As a result, I'm letting the ball drop on a number of things because I lack the ability to do anything about them and I lack the desire to fight. I'm too tired and I can't breathe and there's nothing I can do about any of it anyway.

Screwed With My Pants On

Oh BYU, seriously? SERIOUSLY???

Here's the deal: I've been unemployed since April. Not a problem, because I ended up in India on scholarship with no expenses. Buuut, BYU was still charging me for health insurance, even though I had better insurance through my sponsoring organization.

Still, they put my account on hold for non-payment.

Fine. My loans are coming in soon, right?

Right?

I did my part 3 1/2 weeks ago. Someone at the bank just has to hit "enter" and my problems will go away.

Cause I also have to add one class.

And my application for full-time status needs to be processed. Which can't happen until after I've added the class. Which can't happen until the loans process.

So, we've just been waiting on the loans. Last week, FinAid office at BYU assured me that I've done everything I'm supposed to do. And they've done everything THEY'RE supposed to do. And that we were just waiting on the bank.

Right.

So, today I got an email from my department secretary. She'd gotten an email from student employment services saying that she'd have to terminate my job because I'm not enrolled in any classes. Seriously.

Which means that the idiots in charge who last week told me that everything would be fine went and deleted my classes for nonpayment of tuition...

So my classes are deleted. BUT the bank processed the loans today. So there's ANOTHER hold on my account, because they got their damn money today and have no idea WHAT THE FUCK to do with it!

SERIOUSLY???

So, I'm without credit hours, without loans, and apparently being fired from my job.

Fuck my life.